The World of Grandpa Don  

On this page you will find recorded what I found significant during the past week as well as my thoughts about those events and other reflections.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY  Grace McNeil. We all met at Evergreen Park Presbyterian Church, and I mean EVERYBODY. Her friends from church were there, including a 94 year old.  Her relatives were there. And several members of the Drake Avenue Bunch were in attendance as well as current neighbors. We were all there to celebrate Grace's 90th year of living life to the fullest. I was part of the Drake Ave group, some still living there and others having left the old neighborhood but still maintaining ties to the place and the people. That is the place where we lived as young couples and the place where our kids grew up. They all knew each other, went to the same schools, played together and occasionally fought. As parents we agreed early on not to take sides in their disputes and also to be a parent to our neighbor's kids when they were within our jurisdiction. Our children grew up respecting this arrangement and respecting all adult authority. Not one found themselves in serious trouble with the law.

As neighbors, we gathered on each other's front porch or sometimes in the middle of the street. We had impromptu block parties and progressive dinners, a different course at each house. We had New Years Eve parties that rotated to a different home each year. We were Catholic, Lutheran, and Presbyterian but we shared values and problems. Our end of Drake Ave was the dead end of a two block long stretch of street and an ideal place to raise kids. Gathering there to chat with the old neighbors was great. Several of our kids were there as well as some of their kids. Anne Marie and Dom were present along with several others. Grace's newer neighbors.

There was punch, coffee, tea, and food catered in. Afterward there was a big cake and yes, there was ice cream. It was a Presbyterian church so ... there had to be ice cream! Grace was fine until the bag piper marched in wearing the Scotch tartan, playing, what else, ... Amazing Grace! It was then that Grace lost it and buried her face in her hands. She recovered to listen to several other selections that were dear to her. It was a celebration not to be missed. I even met a member of St Julie Church there when a familiar face came up to me to introduce himself as the husband of Grace's niece. 

Kurt Berg sat down next to me at the table with his parents and others and remarked that he remembered that Anne and I often played chess after dinner and he would watch us. He remarked that Mrs. Plefka would be quite upset that she would not often win. Actually, when we first started to play we were quite evenly matched but I gradually learned to look ahead to anticipate future possible moves which gave me the advantage. It got to the point that Anne refused to play the game. My constant winning was an affront to her inelegance. I don't remember but it may also mark the period during which she became despondent due to her failing health and my lack of attention.

After I came home from the party I went to the gazebo and my mind progressed from one memory to another, stimulated by all the bits of conversation earlier in the day. It occurred to me that life is like a chess game in many respects. Each word or action on our part results in a consequential action. It behooves us to anticipate the reaction to what we do and temper our words and deeds so that there are good results. Too often we act for the moment not realizing that we may be starting in motion a disastrous series of events. We also forget that those little indiscretions can come back to bite us some day. We see it often when a celebrity or politician is found to have a dark page or two in their history. It happens to the average guy too and can be more than embarrassing. (Like having someone call your children and announce that he is their brother.)

Grace's party came just a couple days before the anniversary of my marriage to Anne. This coincidence precipitated a deluge of memories and Kurt's reminder of the chess games was just one of them. Our 45 years together were very good in spite of the fact that I learned to master the chess game better than I learned much of what is needed to have a great relationship. Anne often commented that she enjoyed being on the pedestal on which I had  placed her. There was no doubt that I adored her. The problem was that when one is on a pedestal with the other adoring from below, the two are too far apart.  I had not learned to share feelings and to be compassionate to her needs. That did come later but it is my deepest regret that I took so long to learn about selflessness and it's paradoxical result in that the more you give, the more comes back to you.

From my parents, Sylvia & Joe I came to know that someday I would be married. It was an axiom, a given truth, not to be doubted. I also knew, deeply ingrained in my being that my wife and I would become one person. I didn't understand it but I knew it to be a fact, never to be questioned. These were two of the things I knew that I would never question although I questioned everything else, including the existence of God. I also remember the day when we were in high school, sitting on Anne's front porch that I told her I would someday marry somebody exactly like her. We eventually parted ... she dumped me! ...  but whoever I met was measured to her standard and there was no one to measure up. And then I had an extra post card ... it was sent from San Juan ... and we were together again. The day on July 30, 1955 when she waited in that sweltering little church because I forgot the ring, sealed and confirmed my belief in marriage and in her. It was the first of many things she put up with. I could go on ... last Sunday as I sat in my beautiful retreat I came to tears ... several times ... How could I be singled out and so abundantly blessed?

Anne left me with more than memories. Our three children are her blessing on me. They have married well with spouses and families that mirror our values. Our grandchildren are jewels, the icing on the cake. I must stop and change the subject to prevent my keyboard from shorting out. Thank you Anne, and thank you God.

I asked a couple of my friends for advice, considered it, and am taking the course that I favored before I asked. They suggested alternates to using Microsoft Expression Web for building my web site. The greatest complaint against Microsoft FrontPage, which I am now using, is that it does not fully comply with internet industry standards in their underlying code. A member of RC WEB Authors, a group to which I belong, has been a champion of FrontPage and now the new Expression Web product. My research into the new product tells me that it does comply with Internet standards.. I downloaded the trial (free) version of the product and because the interface is similar to what I now use, was able to put together a couple pages in short order. I am delighted in what I was able to do and the results. There are features of FrontPage that I never mastered and so I have invested in a tutorial book for Expression Web so I will be able to take advantage of all its features. Don't look for it real soon ... this is going to take some time ... But I will be having fun. It will be like a kid with a new toy.

But of course I have a self-imposed obligation to the parish web site and last week's bulletin held a plethora of items to be added to the web site. There were photos of the Vacation Bible School to be converted into a slide show. There were a couple photos of the recent trip the teen group made to the Cass Lake Indian Reservation that needed to be added to their page along with a reflection on the trip from a teen and one of the chaperones which were added to the "Witness" pages. To top it off, Fr Steve started a three part commentary on the Tridentine Mass which deserves a page of its own in the "Mass" section of the area of the website dedicated to Our Faith. I spent more time than I would have liked on the computer when I could have been enjoying the gift of near perfect weather outside. But, a self imposed obligation, albeit flexible, is sometimes more demanding than an obligation imposed by others. It is not done grudgingly but with enthusiasm and with an eye to perfection, or as close to it as the armature web builder can get.

When you love what you are doing the results are always good. Anthony demonstrated that Monday evening as the Windy City Thunderbolts traveled to Pennsylvania to play the Sliders. His first hit was a single and it was followed with a two run homer, his first of the season. The Slippery Rock Sliders were looking good against the best team in their division. Unfortunately they went into a tie on an error in the eight and lost in the 10th.

Monday must have been "Anthony" Day both in the US and Canada. My good friend Don Hall sent a photo card to let me know that his (adopted) son Anthony hit a home run also. He followed up my response with a link to a revised D.R.E.A.M.S. page, which is outstanding. I had featured this school effort on my A Witness to Life pages if you would like to review them.

Speaking of "dreams", this week the St. Julie web site was partially updated by Bob Lewis from the Web Team's "Southern Command Headquarters" in Safety Harbor Florida. Bob and Mary's daughter and her family live nearby and Bob & Mary have been spending a lot of time at their place. They now have a place of their own and have officially become "snowbirds" flying south for the winter months. Thought the wonders of the internet, Bob continues with his update of the web edition of the parish bulletin as well as other web team duties when in Florida. They have been moving into the new place and making a few changes to suite their style and needs. Safety Harbor looks pretty good Bob. Congratulations. 

They are not far from New Port Richey, the home of Harry and Carol Lawler. Anne's brother and his wife relocated to "The Gateway to Tropical Florida" a few years ago to enjoy a lifestyle that suits them well. Check out New Port Richey.

The mornings have been perfect and I love my new fence. I am so glad I opted for the more "neighbor friendly" look. The pickets are 3" wide and 1-½" apart. When I focus my eyes beyond the fence it is almost invisible and I can see the passing world. It has opened my yard to the neighborhood. On Wednesday morning I opened my world in yet another manner. I have never been a fan of flavored coffee, preferring what I have termed as an "honest" cup of coffee, plain, black, and unsweetened. I recently received a gift basket which included several varieties of coffee. I set the flavored ones aside intending to give them to Karen who always brews the flavored variety. But on this particular morning when I went to the cupboard to get a new package of my Columbian "Fair Trade" coffee one of the small gift packages caught my eye and I said "Why not!"  SURPRISE! When you sit in the gazebo, on a perfect morning, prior to much of the world waking up, and sipping the nectar of St. John Butter Rum Creme coffee ... you are just that much closer to heaven! It was delicious and I am converted. I keep saying "It doesn't get any better than this" ... but it does! With renewed gratitude to the giver of that basket, I have to say, "Sorry Karen ... get your own coffee. This is mine!"

On Wednesday my books arrived. I dove right in to the technical one on Microsoft  Expression Web and am even more convinced that I have made a correct decision in using it to build my new web site. My approach with these "how to" books is to skim through the entire book to familiarize myself with the capabilities of the program and where I will find what I need. I also identify what I don't need in the way of features not applicable to my needs. The book also comes with a disk of sample applications and a link to a companion web site. They also suggest that you register to receive new information as well as corrections if needed. Yes, they like I, are human and make mistakes. Books, particularly technical ones are not static anymore.

In addition to my technical reading to expand my knowledge I also bought some books for my spirit. The Weight of Glory by C. S. Lewis "...extols a compassionate vision of Christianity and includes lucid and compelling discussions on forgiveness and faith." It sounds like a great reinforcement to my faith. The second book is by G. K. Chesterton and it is named Orthodoxy. Knowing that Chesterton had a great influence on C. S. Lewis, one of my favorite people, I am anxious for him to influence me as well. He is a renowned Christian author to whom I have wanted to introduce myself for some time. My (new) cousin Gay recently asked if I had read any of his books and her recommendation has been on my mind. This book "... offers an inimitable explanation of the essentials of the Christian faith. and of his own journey from skepticism to faith." I am anxious to compare my own journey on that road to his. The third religious book is from Joseph F. Girzone. Some say his approach to faith is too simplistic but I counter with the notion that we make religious belief overly complex. Maybe we feel that if we don't understand something it must be complex. This book, Joshua's Family, is a prequel to his now famous Joshua series an I am sure I will enjoy reading it as I have the others.

Why do I read all this religious stuff? For the same reason I participate at mass every Sunday. I do it to learn more about my faith and reinforce what I already know. I do it to deepen my faith and to make it an integral part of my life. I do it because my spirit is more important than my body and it deserves to be fed and exercised. I don't do it because someone has told me if I miss mass, I'll go to hell but because If I don't provide for my spirit, I'll have a damn hard time getting to heaven. I want God to recognize me when I face Him and say, "Hi, friend, come on in.'

Some would say that they will 'get religion' when the need is more immanent or when they, as I now am, are retired. As I wrote the preceding paragraph an email arrived from Karen who noted that last week she, Dan, Karen and Kelsey passed over the bridge in Minneapolis that collapsed on Wednesday. Life, and death, is all about timing and it is not ourselves who are in control. I do not subscribe to the notion that God takes us either whimsically or by some predestination plan but that life and death happen in the normal course of things. And ... I did not intentionally wait until I had time to "get religion"  but, in fact, I was wandering around lost in my quest for logical explanations to matters of faith. Logic and faith do not coexist but faith follows where logic is found to be inadequate. I was simply unaware that I needed to read Lewis, Chesterton, Gibran, Girzone, Matthew Kelly and the like. I was doing it "my way", not needing anyone's assistance. But how can you find the right answers when you aren't smart enough to ask the right questions? 

I was not smart enough to know the difference in 'being' at mass because it was expected of me and participating in the mass because I needed it and it needed me. I didn't even know that "church" is a group of people with a Christian purpose and not a building with a cross on it. I had been under the mistaken belief that going to mass was an obligation to God but now know that it is an obligation to myself and to the wellbeing of my spirit.

We can wait as long as we want but ... do we know when our bridge fall out from under us?

More next week ...
and 'till then, ... 

Let's be more kind than we need to be.

Grandpa Don Plefka 

Anne wanted everyone to be 'Nice'.
This button was in one of her dresser 
drawers I cleaned out in August of 2004